Found back,my long lost blog. I feel retarded reading my old posts. Good thing that i've lost all my stalkers. This blog is bout 3 years old for fuck's sake. I used to be a lazy typer. Still am but for blogging sake, it's gonna be irritsting if i were to type like before.

Idk what i should do anymore. Im just trying to get over everything. Who the fuck have to handle 5 big projects alone?
Finally done with some emailing and my project. Two presentations next weej then im left with one. Hopefully no more.

I love this guy so fucking much. What he literally did just broke my heart. it just literally dropped and i feel kinda lost again.  But i miss him so muchhhhhh <3

Love Muchh

romeo did those lyrics.

itz awesome.reaaly.

n u cant force me 2 hang out wif you.

ill do it if i got de tyme.

but even if i do hav de tyme, i have 2 totally consider a list of ppl hus been wantin 2 hang out wif me.

so dont push it n giv me some tyme. some of you even waited for months.im sorry,ders ntg i can do.

ill be out @ east coast dis sat frm 4 to 11pm anyways.huever wanna hang out,ull find me der.i wont choose my frens on dat day.so ill hav fun wif every single 1 of you.ill try. im sory 4 those promises ive made bout goin out.

im still not used 2 dis new class of mine.

dis class kinda dissapoint me n make me miss my old class ALOOOT.

Wadd happen 2 de hyper me ? :/

i do love you sweetheartsss ~

Sometimes you juz dont feel lyke opening up.

im not ready for anytin

im juz lettin my astrology do de bloggin.

May 19, 2011

Daily Horoscope for Cancer

Life is a bit harder to take today — but that’s okay, because you are just as tough as ever. In fact, you can handle life’s extremes much more easily than usual, so don’t shy away from anything big.

Daily FinanceScopes for Cancer

Just knowing you have the power to turn things around is sometimes all you need to actually do it. It’s not bluster if you believe it yourself. The more confidence you have in your ability to turn this adversity into blessing, the more likely you will do just that.

Daily Single's LoveScopes for Cancer

You’re blessed with the talent to give bad situations positive outcomes. Even the most hardcore opponents are no match for your spirit. On a day like today, you get what you want — and make everyone else feel the same way.

I miss my real mum.
my 1st n only mum.
itz been 2 months.
I need her.
y didnt she signed over my name?
she did a mistake.
she didnt claimed dat i belong her.
look now wad happen to us.
now look wad hapend 2 me.
Sunday is mothers day.
It juz.hurts too much.
things happen everyday.
shld i? go 2 her nw?
shld i go 2 romeo nw?
He's not even takin me in.
n leave a freakin 'on leave' letter 2 my bgcl parents?
y is my life so fuckin screwed up ?!
Im tired of hidin.
shld i revealed de truth @ last?
go 2 de authorities b4 i runaway?
siao.

hahaahks.im juz a lost gal aint i?
we'll c by monday.
im gonna pack my stuff by 2nite.
itz gonna b easier 4 me 2 walk out.
i had enough of everytin.
wadds my offense?
being born?

i hate myself thanx 2 dem.
i juz wanna end dis thing.
1 way or another.

Hey.sth new everyday.
dnt u tink so?
i juz found out my dad physically abused my babysis while i was gone over de weekends.
my ulcers r nt gettin better anw.
n i guess 2mrw ill b dead.
hahakx.
a gud way 2 introduce my bf n my gf ASAP.
w/o lettin dem knw @1st.
hahaks.
so ill get killed by my dear Sara 2mrw:D
n ders another stalker in my list.
u knw wadd de fuck he sent as a FB message?
its weird n unique frm all my other stalkers.
so dis was wad he sent me.
"i dont like not being straight forward, can i have ur num?=D text me then 97108070"

yeah..itz lyke --"
grow up ppl.

n sara did actually extended her hand 2 her left.i saw dat.
dnt u realized dat?coz wen she ddid dat,her hand was directly infrnt of me.
n if dat ball landed on my face idiot,dnt blame me .
im nt talkin bout few.but MOST.

treat me like de way u want me 2 treat u.

IM not @ home.
I DONT WANNA GO HOME !

Anywhere but home.
but i still havent completed any of my assignments.
haiz.
n gotta study unit 1 ryte.
suckish much.

QImmy,dont feel down.
im alwaess here 4 u :)
u can talk 2 me bout anytin :)


love you dear.
sorry 4 spendin 2 muchh.
i juz bought a few keychains 4 u wif ur name written on it,
n a cool casual pants made frm batik juz 4 u 2 wear @ home.
i juz lyke de design.idc if u lyke it/nnt.

i juz simply bought sth 4 every1.
which is alot 4 me 2 carry :/

niitez. off @ 3am.

btw.where de hell is my Sara? :/

I love you.
Readin ur post breaks my heart.
everytin juz do.
i view de world in a diff way den every1 else.
im sorry dear.

so im back.
i ate n slp n shop n ate n slp n shp non stop.
n puked in de bs otw home.
im home early coz i was gettin sickkkeerr.
sux.
oh well.
im back.
n kinda heartbroken.
wher r my healers?


n y r u boys spammin my fb messages?
-cuz ure afraid of gettin caught;by one another :/

Hey.
im so damn tired.
totally exhausted.
n im missin my romeo pretty badly.
couuldnt stp tinkin bout hym 24/7.
im so loveesick.
so i bought lotz of stuff.4 hym n my frens mostly.
my loved ones alwaes comes first:) dis includes u,SARA.
ive been wonderin hw my Sara's doin.did any1 confronted her/sth?
im in de hotel ryte nw n itz only 11am.
I LOVE MY BED :D
ders evn an extra sofa bed on my left :D
i wasnt expectin any prostika over here.
my impression of the gals here r pretty simple n innocent.
till i met 1 juz nw.GAWD.it all started juz bcz of a bastard anw.
i had enough of ppl showin attitude.
so i juz tld my godmum hw immature deyre.
i alr spent 1k so itz bout 5oo bucks.
i spent 200 @ jb even b4 reachin here -.-
so much 4 savin upp.
haiz.
n of all de tour buses i tk,dis is de 1st tyme i gt frozen inside de tour bus.
i couldnt breathe well after spending juz 5mins in de bus.
we were inside de bus from 9pm to 7am de nxt day b4 de sun decided 2 unfreeze me.
i was wearing 2 layers of long sleeve black shirt(juz hopin it wld radiate as much heat as possible),a jacket,n a big blanket 2 cover de whole of me.
but still,i went out of de bus wif blue lips,migrane n chest pain.my legs even decided nt 2 walk
had 2 spent 20mins infront of de bus b4 i cld barely walk again.
n im not dat stupid engh nt 2 complain.i did.
juz dat de driver tld me dat was de warmest temp. unless i wanna decrease de temp n get frozen 2 death.
so de nxt thing i did was 2 cover de aircons wif their curtains :D it improved abit:)
my body's still aching.2mrw i hav 2 wake up @ 6am -.-
i love you sweetheart.i do really hope my romeo n Sara are perfectly fine.
i miss my Shabdarbay Romeo Smith. Waddeva can i do?

muacks.nitez.

Loves.
I am nice.
I can b sweet.
I can get flirty.
But Ill never lose my personality.
so dont ever get on my nerves.

Im not lyke those gals out der.

treat me lyke hw u want me to treat cha.

N i found my fon !
Thanx guys !! :p

I LOST MY FON.
again.

Seriously missing it. :'(
i was ready 2 punch de gal's face 4 takin my fon.
once i get to knw it lyke mayb 2mrw ? xD
till my romeo freakin tld me it's a guy u tk it.
so i changed my mind bout punchin de person's face.
not gonna sacrifice my face for a fon.

I STILL WANT MY FON BACK.

Gonna go Lib again 2mrw mornin.
mayb dey kindly left it @ de service counter.
juz maybe:/
Im pretty damn upset.
2 de core,loves.
Byes.

U knnw wadd darlin?
no one said those words 2 me b4.
i never said those stuff to u b4.
coz i knw hw much it hurts.
u went over my limits.
hw wld u feel if i were 2 say those things 2 ya?
re-read all ur sennt messages.
im sorry love,u dont even hav a heart.
of all de things we gone thru,
u still dont apreciate me.
hu's selfish?me or u?
u demand too much frm me.

n 2 my other ex,im sorry,im not lookin bck.im movin on.

Im not lyke any other gals.
Ull realized im different once u get 2 knw me.
but im still lyke dem in some ways.
i get hurt.
i cry.
but i dont ask 4 help.
not anymore.
i look @ things differently.
wadd can i do.
to get hym back again.
ytd class bbq was @ vivo.
de plc upstairs.
lucky i didnt go.
it reminds me of de tyme we spend everyday after my work.
we were link 2gether.
mayb he juz didnt realize dat.
of de way we hold on 2 each other.
i cant stand ppl scoldin/blamin me.
im sorry dat i hurt hym.
wadd about our precious days @ NEX?
wadd bout de times we spent 2gether @his hse?
im pretty insane.
i can continue slashin my chest.
i get outburst every nw n den.
all of a sudden i cried while using de comp.
pretendin 2 b ok chattin wif de others.
i nid some1.i nid a shoulder 2 cry on.i juz want 2 wet sme1's shirt.
but de only person i want it 2 b is juz....hym.
ya tebya lyublyu,Prosti menya.

He broke up wif me.
It feels weird...2 b single....seriously.
My other ex still cant stp spammin evrytin.
Im hungry n i juz woke up.
If only sme1's so freakin kind engh 2 cook 4 me.
btw.i spent alot on chocolates @ candylicious ytd.
yummy:>

I SERIOUSLy gt a prblm wif my bladder 2day.
urgh.
so i found out dat ders alot of lovesick ppl in de class.
im keepin my mouth 4ever shut.
wadds wif wearin bwtie anw? de top's alr freakin hawt n ure expectin me 2 button all de way up.
n i dnt evn tink itz gold.more lyke mustard-.-
I LOATHE mustard.disgustin much.
i juz wanna slp de whole day 2mrw.
:D
alrites ppl,here r de reason i dnt wanna go.
(!) sth tells me itz gonna b damn boring.
(2)i dnt wanna c faces of de ppl i hate.(it ruins everytin=juz by de sight of dem)
dnt u tink c-ing their faces in sch is more den enough?
(3)coz i decided not to.
(4)im lazy
(5)ive been lookin 4ward 2 slpin whole day:D
(been missin lotz of Zzzzz ...thx 2 all those prblms)
(6)i hate Sentosa.
(7)i dont wanna over smke & seriously get too drunk(juz lyke my last BBQ)
(8)i got million other things 2 do.
(9)most ppl r not goin anw.(isit lyke even half a class? 0.o)
(10)Itz nt compulsorryyyyy. HA.
byesss~ (gotta pee again.haiz.)

Bitch,Bitch.
I dun hate you 4 no reason.
I simply hate you 4 hating me.
i knw u do hav a strong hatred towards me.
coz really, I LOATHE YOU.

i juz woke up frm my nap.ahk still in -blur- mode.
I continue later.

Mommy. Younger bro.Here's my 3 yr old annoyin sis. Daddy.


Life sucks.
Everybody hurts.
saw de biatch as early as 8am.
She makes my day.
& de trios showin attitude in sch?
omgawd.
dont embarass urself plz.
gd thing i dont thrw anytin bck @ ur face.

I gt a mothefucker.
Get real.
Ure pissin evry1 off mom.
All of us get irritated easily juz by listenin 2 ur voice.
so stop blaming everyone else except 4 urself.
im sick & tired of both of u abusing me in different ways.
u guys imprve a little bit after i start makin trble in de sch.
no more scars & bruises 2 sch.datz wadd im hopin 4 dis yr.
coz nxt yr.ill b gone.
but still,u guys r tearing me in2 pieces.
im sick of u pretendin 2 tc of me by talkin big infrnt of ppl.
well ive been ure ragdoll for 5 yrs.
i prefer u in de prison daddy.
u cant ever plc me in de gals hme.get dis in ur fuckin head.
watch it.i knw ull b officially divorced by de tyme she turns 8.mayb 10.
im more powerful than u,mom.dont b suprised if im bettr than u one day
im still hoping as long as i believe in Allah.
!st hope destroyed:of finding my real mom.>>mayb she juz lost me u knw,,by accident.ha.
truthh:she doesnt even want you in de 1st plc.
2nd hope destroyed:do i hav a daddy?!
truthh:he's been in prison.
3rd hope:finally 2gether in de same hse wen i turn 12.
truthh:till my parents start thrwin things& get beaten up by each othr.WTF?
4th hope:dey prefer de last child alwaes.which was my bro.
truthh:& nw itz my sis.
5th hope:mayb mum will b hapy 1nce she gets another baby,,,,(few yrs bck)
truthh:hopes 2 high .den miscarrriiigeee. 4 my another 2 siblings.
do i regret my bday wish of havin dis babysis 4 u?
my prayers r often heard mom.ask urself y.
u begged me 4 her.&miracles do happen wen i pray hard.
u never appreciated.u never change.u went bck 2 ur old self.
both of u stopd me frm visitin de dctor @ least 4 times a wk wen i was yg.
juz bcoz u dnt wanna waste $ on me.
god damn it i gt a fuckin rich parents.
but do dey knw hw fuckin selfish u guys r?

i juz paid mom 4oo bucks 4 my food.
still owe her another 200.im so stressed up.
i bought my own sch bag juz nw:D
juz bcoz i skipped all those checkups lasttyme...
nw my condition is gettin wrse.
mom.u heard de dctr dat im de kind of ppl hu dont last.
wad did u do?
u stp me frm goin 2 de dctr.
nw im payin 4 my daily treatment.
@least 200 a wk.
u dnt evn knw ive been visitin private dctrs mom.
as if u care.
wad if i decided 2 try de hospital?
dey wont let me step out again.& hus r my parents again?
i hv no idea.

i look happy on fb dont i,guys?
gotta hide& secure all ur pain.
i lovee my bf soo muchh.sad thing he dont caree too.
Once he said i talk rubbish.& dat i gt no feelings.we havent evn met @ dat pt of tyme.
i hate ppl judgin me w/o knowin anytin.
den he said wadeva i tld hym was unbelievable.dis was ytd nite.
so he doesnt believe in wadeva i told hym.
den juz nw he smsed me dat he dont trust me juz bcoz i didnt get de chance 2 reply hym.
i tld hym b4 i cant use my fon infront of my parents.
nxt thing i knw....he'll tell me dat he dont love me anymore.
i smoke last nite.
he dk hw much his words cut thru me.
i cried ytd nite N slept 4 3hrs.b4 goin 2 my workplace,office and sme shoppin spree dis mornin.

im not suprised loves,wen he tld me he'll b goin bck hme 4 awile wen new yr arrives.
he tld me last wk dat he aint gonna leave s'pore.
der was a reason y i kept askin hym if he's plannin 2 ever leave dis country...even 4 a shrt period of tyme.
& dat i beggd hym not 2 leave dis country...not to leave me.ever.
i knew dis was comin.
and wadeva it is...it still hurts wen he tld me dat.
i cant stand the thought of hym being dis far...let alone DAT FAR.
but itz alryte.
Itz ok dat he dnt trust/believe in me.

coz I DO TRUST HYM.
I DO BELIEVE IN HYM.
I DO CARE 4 HYM.
I DO LOVE HYM.

SO MUCHH.

Heyy Ladyy Gaga,u gt a bulkkyyy boddyy.
n facee.
plz stp dancin.
it creeps me n my luv 1s out.